We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
