i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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