the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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