I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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