My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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