I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
