I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
