I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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