I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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