Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
