drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
