I hate your face
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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