as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
