dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
