By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
