that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
