I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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