it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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