he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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