why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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