Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
