I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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