well I can't set my house on fire every night
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
