She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
