one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm too high and old for this...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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