my soul wont recognize me after tonight
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
