the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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