We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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