and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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