jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
