If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
