She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
