i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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