I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
