i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
