Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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