i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
