Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
