I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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