My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
