no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
