I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
this hospital has no fireball
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
