wakey wakey hands off snakey
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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