I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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