I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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