Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
