just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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