Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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