Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
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He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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