theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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