Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
