seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My balls are so social today.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
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Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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