Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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