Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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