What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
