Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
