I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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