My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
