I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
