u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
