i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
