Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
