I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
