i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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