Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
