this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
