So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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