Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
