I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sober January is a disaster.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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