you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
