If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
