I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Green mimosas i think yes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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