i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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