Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
